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  • Writer's pictureCatherine Valleroy

The Morning After

Updated: Apr 5, 2021

It was a manic day for me all around yesterday. I woke up at 1 am and started trying to navigate my social media. This set me off with a slew of speed and frustration. I worked at my blog and posts on other sites for eight hours straight. Then I could not settle down so I went for a long walk after which I could not settle down, so I got on the phone and called friends to find comfort in their calmness.

I am bipolar and mania is seductive at first, then frequently not fun. Sure, it helped me with creativity, but this wound me so tightly that I could not settle back into myself. Fortunately I have the ability to want to take care of myself, not perfectly, but I always have access to tools. I can meditate, pray, rest, contact my medical team for advice, stay sober, breathe... Despite the tendency I have to go from grandiosity to self loathing, there is always solace when I stop to think about what I have to be grateful for.

This was starting to work until a friend texted me that the Capital was under siege. Like most of America I was riveted by the events in Washington. Because of this, I could not stop the mania even more profoundly than before. So, the best tool I had was to ride it out and realize that this too would pass.

Today I am comforted by the fact that my compulsion to immerse myself in the drama was tempered by my discipline to put myself to bed. It does not hurt that I have a loving cat that curled up next to me and that helped me eventually fall asleep.

Did I get a great night's sleep? No... Did I have discipline to stay disengaged from the media the next day? No... But because I stopped for a brief time I was able to come back to myself.

Today I am tired, scared, but not manic.

By Catherine Valleroy

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