Today I am feeling like shit about myself. I feel fat, unlovable, stupid... So my initial inclination is to go through my closet and find the perfect outfit. Piles of clothes later what I chose proved, when I stood sideways in front of the mirror, that I am fat and frumpy. After all ,everyone knows, if you can't find the perfect outfit and look incredibly hot in it, you are not lovable. Even writing this I feel like I am not good enough: not articulate, not clever, not relatable, not "right on the money." This is the pressure I put myself under.
Negative self-talk sucks, and for me it is pervasive. However, the nature of negative self-talk is that it originates in one's self and I am learning that self-love originates there too. So today, instead of calling my therapist, sponsor, mother, or girlfriends, I stepped away from the closet, the mirror, my inclination for low self-esteem and remembered that no one (not even me) can make me feel inferior without my consent.
So as I choose to disassociate into this state of exaggerated lies, so too can I choose to associate with the gifts that have been afforded me. When I am grateful, I cannot be negative. And my gratitude seems to thrive on authentic things rather than superficial ones. In my truest state I am alive, aware, adapt and apt. When I own this I move away from limitations to pursue possibilities- my dreams. What a relief!
By Catherine Valleroy
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