I'd rather be authentic than a persona, because when I am authentic I am my truest self; a persona masks that.
Authenticity is imperative to the quality of my life. I have found that the first step to my being so is how honest I am with myself. In essence, I am the worst person I can lie to. I find that without this honesty I have little comfort. In my case, lack of comfort sets into motion a plethora of compulsive behaviors that gives me a false sense of well-being. When I am in this kind of pain, it usually is from my inability to center myself. The more motion and commotion I have when I turn to these things, the more my lies and their ensuing compulsions rule my life. It is hard and scary to be authentic, to sit with one's self. Sometimes I would much prefer that people perceived me, and isn't that what a persona is, a perception. When I lie to myself I am not only deceiving me, but everyone. Much of my persona is not based on my truest authentic self, unless I work very hard to be who I truly am under all circumstances. Quite honestly, often times I am not brave enough not to present a persona, but this is a journey that I am on and I don't have to be perfect, just willing. I know that pain is a great teacher and motivator, but so is love. Self love is the key to authenticity. It is an honest embracing of who I am, an acceptance. Sometimes it takes just stopping myself to redirect my negative thinking back to loving and valuing myself. This choice, this action ultimately sustains me. As I develop this blog I will be sharing many aspects of who I am. Whether it is about the way I think, the way I live, how I am physically, I will try to be honest. I am not afraid to be beautiful, raw, funny. I will be presenting examples of these things with poems from my three books: Better Look, Better Looking, and Seeing. It is my truest hope that my writings will inspire us to grow, learn and teach each other how to be authentically in love with ourselves.
By Catherine Valleroy
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